The reason why I’m writing this today is simply because I’m sick. So sick. So sick of people commenting that I’m (too) skinny. I know it very well myself and don’t need you to remind me. People telling me that I’m skinny is like how a fat person receives a comment that he is fat. IT IS EQUALLY INSULTING. Let me just tell you how it feels like to be in my shoes, to be skinny.
When I walk on the streets, people stare at my waist and stick-thin legs. And no, I do not take that as a compliment. I feel as conscious as a fat person worried about her body size. Aunties and people always walk pass me and try to whisper (obviously too loud), “she’s so SKINNY!!” even the slightest SSSS sound makes me feel conscious and demoralised already.
While tumblr and whatnots have glorified skinny, I don’t think skinny is a good thing at all. Well, at least in my life. I’ve grown up having people said I look like I’m suffering from malnutrition. I’ve had a group of doctors worrying over my puberty and thanking God that my menses came when I was 13. I’ve had people even say (to a guy I dated) that “huh why you like Keline? She is so skinny and tanned.” Hey, my body size and skin colour do not determine how much love I deserve. Everyone is entitled to love and be loved. Just because you are skinny or fat doesn’t mean you are less worthy of being loved.
And the thing is, it’s not that I wanted this body size. I was born with it, I inherited my parents’ genes and I can’t help it. I have tried many many ways to gain weight and have seen doctors, but nothing helps. I have also started gyming but results will take a while to show. I tried. I tried gaining weight like how you tried to eat salads. I tried exercising to gain muscles like how you tried to lose yours. If there is only one reason that makes me truly depressed, it is my body size, period.
The last thing I want to say is, please be mindful of your words. At least don’t let the person hear it if you need to say it desperately. Whatever you say can break a person.